I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
