i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
