when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
