Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
