So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We have so much sex to catch up on
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
