When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
