maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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