you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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