I wanna bring you to show and tell
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You left your phone here
Wait...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
