this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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