i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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