is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
