i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize