Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
