I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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