my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
