oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
