the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
