Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
