Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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