"it" just moved
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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