my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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