im calling her cock vulture from now on
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
