are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
