im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
