The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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