Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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