Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
