dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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