i just made my gag reflex go away.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
