She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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