I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
