Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
