I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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