Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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