Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
