I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
