remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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