Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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