have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
