Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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