The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
