is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
