Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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