Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
