highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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