she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All the doctor said was why
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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