chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
