Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
