I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
