i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
