Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
