I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
dude. I can hear the air.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
