Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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