You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
