and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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