i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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