3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
