apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
