it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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