if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
