I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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