apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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