Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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