I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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