Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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