I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
