I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
