Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
